Mafia Gazette Past Issue 12
29th August, 200'5' 'MR MAFIA CONTEST HOTS UP ' Following Saturdays launch of the Mr Mafia, contestants and nominees have been coming in to the Gazette Offices. It is hoped that the contest will grow bigger over the next week, as the deadline for entries has now been changed from today and is now Thursday. The judging panel have been selected from the ladies who requested a place and the final line-up of the judges is as follows: Jane, MoneyPenny, bluebell, Cora__DiBiazzio, Pallida and Tallulah These ladies will be judging each entrant on several categories. Each contestant will be required to answer a series of questions in each round to find the brightest, best, sexiest, most interesting and most respected Mafia Man in our community. All the judges will be given one category each to produce questions for, and each judge will award marks out of ten for the replies. The winner of each round will be awarded $20,000 and the person with the highest total score at the end of all the rounds will be proclaimed Mr Mafia and receive a cheque for the sum of $200,000. Runners up prizes of $10,000 and $5,000 will be awarded in each round and runners up in the final will be awarded $60,000 and $40,000. The prizes have been added to by a kind donation from Shackleford. Please note: Any contestant who dies during the contest is eligible to have their place taken by any surviving offspring. 'WHAT'S DRIVING PEOPLE AWAY?' By: Jane It's that time again folks, to take a good look at the people around you. Will they die tonight? Will their family line continue on? In the last 24 hours, 97 people have died, and yet...only 60 returned to claim their family's name. What happened to the other 37? Were their parents infertile? Did they decide that from the stories they heard they wanted nothing to do with this world? I asked around to see what others thought of the almost empty boats that show up daily, and most of them said It was due to Random Wacking. "Because mafia is stale, there's no figurehead to look up to, no-one to bother caring about." Said one well-dressed man who wanted to remain unknown. I sat down in a coffee shop with MST, and he told me what he thought. "People are either upset with the random wacking, Or the Mugging, or the lack of decent conversation...Or They think there’s not enough killings... The List is endless." All in all, it appears that some of the people of our streets are not happy. As for the lack of conversation, all I can say is go to the streets and start one. So will the numbers continue to decrease? We'll just have to keep our eye on it and update you on its goings-on. 'CONSPIRACY THEORIES' By: Taxi_Driver Hi there. You again? You’re becoming a right little regular customer, aincha? Where to this time?… Yeah, no problem. Ya know, it’s been a funny old week with all them bosses dyin’ an all. I heard a few things about that as well. You know that Revelation guy? Yeah, well I had him in my cab before he.. well, you know what happened to him. He was shootin’ at that Desdanova chick after she shot at him and she got the jump on him and killed him. Stone dead, right there on the sidewalk. A little bird told me that she’d heard she were for the chop and old Rev was going to be the one doin’ it, so she got in first. Dunno how true that is, but… Well, you can see it happenin’ can’t ya? Anyways, after that there was some secret meeting. I overheard some guy talking to his mate in the back there about it. Anyway, to cut a long story short, Yeah, I know, too late, but anyways, they had that meetin’ and it was decided, I heard that Des was gonna be the next one swimming with the fish for what she did to old Rev. Wll, there was a bit of an uproar with that meetin’ as well, with some of them comin’ out and one jumped in my cab mutterin’ about a snitch. Well it turns out that one of the guys in the meeting has “connections” with the Mystery Men, ya know, that bunch over in Detroit. Anyways, soon after, one of the bosses at the meeting mysteriously dies of lead poisoning along with the right hand of another. All a bit fishy, don’t ya think, especially when that guy with the connections was all up for takin the job of getting rid of Des usin one of his “associates”. Anyway, on the subject of them Mystery Fellas, two of their bosses got turned to fish food too. That Unknown guy and his associate, MaroRubberface got wacked by some guy named Polio within a quarter hour of each other. Man that guy must have moved fast. Anyways, no one knows what will happen to the Mystery Men now. I heard that Unknown was their leader and now he’s gone, they’re floundering. I s’pose we will have to wait and see what happens now. Anyways, here we are. This is your stop fella. That’ll be twelve bucks please. 'NEWSPAPER SUBSCRIPTION SERVICE ' The Gazette will now be offering a subscription service for anyone wishing to receive the Mafia Gazette by mob mail or post. Subscriptions will cost $200 per week, $380 per fortnight, $700 per month or $5,000 for a lifetime subscription (post option only for fortnightly, monthly or lifetime subscriptions). All subscriptions will start from the day after subscription fees are paid. Please contact Tallulah for details of subscriptions or to apply to deliver the Gazette weekly subscriptions. 'LETTERS PAGE ' Dear Editor, You reported the death of Revelation in a previous edition. I am writing this letter in the interest of the newspaper getting the full story. I have it on good authority that since you reported on the death the police have interviewed many people and they had concluded there investigation. They have closed the file because they are satisfied that Revelation was killed in self-defence. Hopefully, this information will stop the rumours and gossip floating around regarding Revelation’s death. He was a good man that made a serious mistake. We should remember him for the good he did and that the few mistakes he made. Sincerely, 'WHAT IS SO GOOD ABOUT MUGGING' Is mugger killing a sport, I mean I’ am use to people mugging me the odd time but I mean I’ve been mugged quite a lot recently and I’ve had to kill them all. Now I never have forgave a mugger, if he mugs me he’s a dead man but say a friend mugs you or your boss and he orders you to kill him, I would even if he was my best friend and if I ever mugged any one I would expect for someone to shot me but I would stand there and fight not get the next plane to Dallas and lay low. Now say you’re a streetboss and one of your members goes and mugs someone for no reason, do you kill him or let the guy who got mugged kill him or just say nah he’s sorry and it wont happen again. I would kill the fucker if I were the boss or not. So basically, you mug you die, it’s the closest thing to suicide for people with out the privilege of having a gun. 'THE ICON CHRIS HAMMERS' If you wish to write in to the paper, or reply to any of these letters, please send correspondence to Tallulah at the Gazette Office in Chicago. Anyone wishing to submit articles should do so by 10am Mafia time on the day of publications. Articles will be paid for on an individual basis. Please contact Tallulah, Editor of The Mafia Gazette, at the Gazette Offices, Chicago. All articles must conform to the guidelines available in the booklet “Newspaper Recruiting” available on the newsstand. '' 'WALKING THE WIRE' Comment By: WireRope NOODLES, Casanova or Cold Hearted Liar? On August the 23rd at 8:12PM, a man walked into the Mafia Gazette Office out of the rain. Her walked over to the receptionist and started talking. Here is what he said: “hello I come here to represent my Boss the NOODLES. I have a quick to the point letter from him. The letter reads: Ladies and Gents, it has come to my attention not only by me but also by close friends and Representatives of the NOODLES Corp@ That it’s not in my best attention to marry xxx-Zadie-xxx . "I WILL not marry!!" xxx-Zadie-xxx. Because of indifference’s in our relationship. All due Respects to xxx-Zadie-xxx, she is a fair and young Women and all due respect to all those involved in the marriage. I apologize on my behalf of xxx-Zadie-xxx and I. But there will be no marriage.” I was intrigued by this as the couple had seemed so happy. Indeed, Zadies’ hen night had be going strong for over 4 days when the message was delivered. I wrote to NOODLES, expecting him to tell me why he had changed his mind, and why he had let his fiancé know of his decision in such a cold hearted way. I also wanted to know if, as the message seemed to imply, his work was becoming more important to him than even his nearest and dearest. However, several days went by and he never contacted me, so I wrote to Zadie to hear what she had to say on the illusive character. If anyone was to know the truth behind this man it would be her. Here is what she told me: “we got together from being broking hearted from different people we started off having coffee and talking i would help him see he was involeved with a gold digger,who didnt really love him. and he helped me to realize Acidlove left Mafia for good and to get over him. He asked me to marry him 2 days after Acidlove came back. I accepted out of emotional distress from having my company go under! Im pretty pissed about the way he went about the brake up but pretty relieved as well. He's just being selfish says if i marry anyone he will kill them over and over again. Noodles and i have always had a love/hate relationship he and i are both as bull headed as it gets! He would have ended up killing me! I know it! Plus his mafia buddies hated me. Didnt think i was good enough for him... You know with my tainted past and all. And as for men that taken my Fancy they're are lots Its contributed to my Attention Deficent Dissorder. I get bored real easy have to have a new thrill! *grins* But there is one guy who will always havemy heart. "Oh bad boy blue eyes himself!" and if he asks me to elope i will be gone in a heartbeat! Did i cheat on him yes i did two days after my bachlorett party on a foot ball feild between the kick off goal *grins* my idea! Ass far as the break up its a relief he knew he couldnt tame me. I will always consider Noodles a dear friend But hes leaveng this town! From what he told me.” I was shocked reading this. From what had seemed to be a perfect Mafia born relationship came a string of lies and deception. Perhaps love in the circles the Mafia travel is much harder to find, despite people like joeconti making public searches for a wife. And as for NOODLES? The great lover of the Mafia, who made Zadie so happy? I doubt his intentions were anything other than to gain publicity, controversy and a status symbol. Will to people who live the life of crime ever find true love? Well you’ll know where to look when you want the full story. Untill then…happy hunting. (All comments printed as written by Zadie herself) 'WE HEAR THAT…' Gossip column by: Jane ....Randle_McMurphy Is really not Levitating, but being held up by strings thanks to his minions. If you want to see for yourself, Take a large stick and Wave it around over his head... ....MagicalTrevoor is not really insane or obsessive. He is just an Alcoholic. He has been spotted all over our fair cities babbling about vodka and bananas, Strange combo. But whatever gets the job done. ....Randle McMurphy and TieDomi are trying to build robots in order to take over mafia. be cautious while they continue about on their excellent Adventure. 'CLASSIFIEDS' Anyone wishing to place an ad should send it in to Tallulah at the Gazette Offices in Chicago. All ads are free, but must still fall within the set guidelines. ---------------------------------------------- Do you wish you could be more respected in this city? Do people never notice you on these streets? Well heres your chance to solve those problems! Budding young graduates from the WireRope School of Art are raring to paint a dramatic, lifelike representation of you for a small fee. For only $2000 black and white or $5000 colour you could be imortalized in paper for generations to see and admire! SO go on...become imortal! --------------------------------------------- The Finding Neverland Bar Are you tired of the hussle and bussle of New York City life? Want to kick back, have a few drinks and a lot of laughs? Come down to the Finding Neverland bar Previously owned By Trixie. Bring this Ad and get a Free drink. The Finding Neverland Bar, Where bananas are no longer just for Sundaes. -------------------------------------------------- '''Horses For Sale' For horses of all skill and price range talk to me! Here are a few of my horses for sale: 1)Famous Problem: Decent horse makes profit in the long run=$145,000 2)Va-Va-Voom: Always odds on favourite, never finished less than third place=$275,000. 3)Inocent Liquid: Wow what a horse always great odds, best in dry =$345,000 4)Naked Whiskey: An absolute stallion the Shaq Oneill of the horse world=$499,999 For more information on any of these great horses visit the stables! Contact me through MM: DannyGreene. ----------------------------------------------------- Ladies, are you tired of trying to become a mistress to some high don just to be cast aside for the newest girl that comes along next week? Well set your sights a little lower cause the up and comers are what you need! So if you would like to find your dream partner, or at least someone you can tolerate on the side, contact Cristoph King today! 'REFERENCES' '''1. '''Article taken from http://pvp.a.mafia.org/gazette.php?issue=18 Browse • • • • • • •